A Runners Confession
To my Dearest Wife
I am writing to confess. I am having an affair.
For the last year I have been engaging in a secret relationship, and I it has come to the time to tell you all.
It started with a quick fling. It was on a Sunday when you were out for lunch, and for someone I became tempted. I can’t remember why now, but I remember what happened and the next day I felt terrible, truly terrible about it. I hadn’t ready. It all came on too quick. My mind and body were not prepared.
It felt like the worst of hangovers – aches, pains, fatigues and inner shame - and I didn’t think I’d ever want to do it again. I would stay with you and everything would be okay.
But there was something about it, a small part of the experience that wouldn’t let me go. The intensity, the adrenalin, the unpredictability of it all -it lingered in my mind and kept reminding how it felt. The pain had dissipated and now all I could think about was the feeling of the act itself, the brief, blissful moment. I couldn’t leave it there. I had to go back and experience again, just to see if I felt the same way.
It was then that the affair truly began.
Once a week I’d repeat the experience and each time the feeling was just as good. My dearest wife, I’m not saying I didn’t think of you, I’m not saying that each time that I was wondering why I did it, but when I started going over and over again, the feeling took over my body and I couldn’t stop.
I know you probably don’t want to know this, but let me try and explain what it was like.
When the affair started it felt strange and quite often unpleasant, and for much of the time I was thinking and wishing I could be with you. My body wasn’t used to this new world, this was too much effort, too complicated and it yearned for something simple and familiar. However, as I kept going back it started to get used to it - I could build up a rhythm, my technique became fluid and I forgot about you.
The sensations of my new love began to over. We moved together, first uneasily and sometimes painfully, but then in a wonderful unison. For a time I felt like I was flying through the air, my body working in a new, superhuman way, my mind filling with warmth and inner peace and the world passing beside me in its own natural flow. Everything was at one. I had no worries. We were perfect.
The feeling didn’t last forever, but I tried to hang on to it - holding, holding - trying to keep the flux, keep the moment - holding on, holding on - keeping going, keeping on - for one last second, one last hold, until, until....
It was done. My legs went limp. I felt dizzy. I wanted to pass out. I couldn’t move.
But at the same time, I was euphoric. What a time, what intensity what sensation!
Afterwards all I could do was lie down and look up at the sky.
‘What a feeling you give me,’ I said to myself. ‘I want to be like this, always.
What can I say to you my darling wife? It’s not your fault, but you can't make me feel like this. I like being with you, but it just isn’t the same. It’s only her that can make me be this way.
She takes me to this place over and over and she never lets me down. There is no frustration, she never complains - I have to work for it, but it’s all down to me. I know what she wants and I know how much to give and each time I am happy to do it. No women can ever give me this. You shouldn’t blame yourself.
Yes you have read that correctly, it’s not a woman I’m leaving you for. It’s not a man either. No my darling wife, this is my confession - I am leaving you for a relationship with long distance running.
Yes, running.
Long distance running.
I know it’s strange, but everything I've described above, it is running that makes me feel like this.
You knew didn’t you? You must have known.
When I started sleeping in a separate bed the day before a race, when I stayed there the evening after and the night after that - I was always open about it, I never hid it from you.
‘But that’s not love!’ I hear you say. ‘That’s not an affair. You can’t be in love with running.’
My dearest wife, think about what I have said, think about how running makes me feel. Think about the excitement of a race, the commitment of training, the lifestyle that I lead. I eat so I can run, I sleep to run, I think to run. We are always together.
And the act of running itself – I’m sorry to bring it down to this - produces more chemical endorphins than the act of love ever will.
So what else? What else can love be?
I am sorry, but I had to choose. I couldn’t carry on living like this, keeping my true feelings away from you.
I hope you understand my dearest wife. I hope you can see that I am in love with someone and that I always will be.
See you again one day at the finish line.
I am writing to confess. I am having an affair.
For the last year I have been engaging in a secret relationship, and I it has come to the time to tell you all.
It started with a quick fling. It was on a Sunday when you were out for lunch, and for someone I became tempted. I can’t remember why now, but I remember what happened and the next day I felt terrible, truly terrible about it. I hadn’t ready. It all came on too quick. My mind and body were not prepared.
It felt like the worst of hangovers – aches, pains, fatigues and inner shame - and I didn’t think I’d ever want to do it again. I would stay with you and everything would be okay.
But there was something about it, a small part of the experience that wouldn’t let me go. The intensity, the adrenalin, the unpredictability of it all -it lingered in my mind and kept reminding how it felt. The pain had dissipated and now all I could think about was the feeling of the act itself, the brief, blissful moment. I couldn’t leave it there. I had to go back and experience again, just to see if I felt the same way.
It was then that the affair truly began.
Once a week I’d repeat the experience and each time the feeling was just as good. My dearest wife, I’m not saying I didn’t think of you, I’m not saying that each time that I was wondering why I did it, but when I started going over and over again, the feeling took over my body and I couldn’t stop.
I know you probably don’t want to know this, but let me try and explain what it was like.
When the affair started it felt strange and quite often unpleasant, and for much of the time I was thinking and wishing I could be with you. My body wasn’t used to this new world, this was too much effort, too complicated and it yearned for something simple and familiar. However, as I kept going back it started to get used to it - I could build up a rhythm, my technique became fluid and I forgot about you.
The sensations of my new love began to over. We moved together, first uneasily and sometimes painfully, but then in a wonderful unison. For a time I felt like I was flying through the air, my body working in a new, superhuman way, my mind filling with warmth and inner peace and the world passing beside me in its own natural flow. Everything was at one. I had no worries. We were perfect.
The feeling didn’t last forever, but I tried to hang on to it - holding, holding - trying to keep the flux, keep the moment - holding on, holding on - keeping going, keeping on - for one last second, one last hold, until, until....
It was done. My legs went limp. I felt dizzy. I wanted to pass out. I couldn’t move.
But at the same time, I was euphoric. What a time, what intensity what sensation!
Afterwards all I could do was lie down and look up at the sky.
‘What a feeling you give me,’ I said to myself. ‘I want to be like this, always.
What can I say to you my darling wife? It’s not your fault, but you can't make me feel like this. I like being with you, but it just isn’t the same. It’s only her that can make me be this way.
She takes me to this place over and over and she never lets me down. There is no frustration, she never complains - I have to work for it, but it’s all down to me. I know what she wants and I know how much to give and each time I am happy to do it. No women can ever give me this. You shouldn’t blame yourself.
Yes you have read that correctly, it’s not a woman I’m leaving you for. It’s not a man either. No my darling wife, this is my confession - I am leaving you for a relationship with long distance running.
Yes, running.
Long distance running.
I know it’s strange, but everything I've described above, it is running that makes me feel like this.
You knew didn’t you? You must have known.
When I started sleeping in a separate bed the day before a race, when I stayed there the evening after and the night after that - I was always open about it, I never hid it from you.
‘But that’s not love!’ I hear you say. ‘That’s not an affair. You can’t be in love with running.’
My dearest wife, think about what I have said, think about how running makes me feel. Think about the excitement of a race, the commitment of training, the lifestyle that I lead. I eat so I can run, I sleep to run, I think to run. We are always together.
And the act of running itself – I’m sorry to bring it down to this - produces more chemical endorphins than the act of love ever will.
So what else? What else can love be?
I am sorry, but I had to choose. I couldn’t carry on living like this, keeping my true feelings away from you.
I hope you understand my dearest wife. I hope you can see that I am in love with someone and that I always will be.
See you again one day at the finish line.
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