Coping with Cancer - Prepping for Chemo


Its been five weeks since I was taken into hospital. My scar is looking less the work of Dr Frankenstein and my energy levels are back to pre-op state. I've been given the all clear to do exercise, to drink alcohol, to go back to work – and my body feels almost back to normal. In a sense, I'm healed.
Except, that's not entirely true. Although I recovered well from the extensive bowel surgery, I still have traces of malignant cancer in my system. I feel absolutely fine, but in reality I am seriously ill and need chemotherapy to rectify this. Right now I have a 75% chance that the cancer will never come back. With chemotherapy, this goes up to an 85% chance. If I then work on adding certain foods to my diet – nuts, cheese, yogurt – then this becomes even more likely still. The odds are pretty good – but I should still get the chemo right? Right?
Potential Side-effects of Chemo for Bowel Cancer
1) Feeling sick and vomiting
2) Hair loss
3) Diarrhoea
4) Mouth problems/constant metallic taste
5) Infertility
6) Peripheral neuropathy – numbness in fingers and toes
7) Forgetfulness (chemo-brain)
8) Risk of infection (low white blood cells)
Potential side effects of not getting chemotherapy
1) Cancer
Its a no-brainer. The chemotherapy is an essential part of recovery and why someone wouldn’t have it is beyond me. The question is how best to prepare myself for the treatment - to go from feeling absolutely fine to feeling voluntarily awful for a long time. Here’s my plan.
  1. Sickness - Get a lot of anti-nausea drugs. Deal with it.
  2. Hair loss - I am already losing my hair (gradually). Don't care.
  3. Diarrhoea - For anyone who has travelled through third world countries, having diarrhoea is about as normal as having a cup of tea. Drink lots of water and never go anywhere without toilet roll.
  4. Infertility - Store some semen! I am doing this as we speak (well, not actually as we speak, but this week). The good news is, this does not have to involve going into a backroom and looking at some dodgy porno mags. Instead there is an option to 'deposit' at home and then bring the sample into hospital. The only proviso is that you must transport the sample from production to the hospital within one hour and keep it at no less than 35 degrees. Luckily I am quite a fast cyclist, when I want to be. Hope there's no accidents!
  5. Metallic taste - Apparently it is best to eat spicy foods and flavour all your drinks. I am tying to learn two new meals a week (benefits of being off work) and stick turmeric and ginger in everything. This may or may not go with platinum, but I think its on the right lines.
  6. Peripheral neuropathy - Yeah, this one kinda sucks. I have some really cool New York marathon gloves, so I'm hoping these will keep morale up. Fingers crossed (or maybe not).
  7. Forgetfulness - What was this one again? I have a terrible memory, so will be delighted to blame this on the chemo.
  8. Risk of infection - Definitely the scary one. Here is a direct quote from my oncologist - 'If you feel unwell, take your temperature. If it is over 99 degrees, call us immediately. If you don’t do this, within a few hours you might be dead.' (He sits back and takes a swig of tea). 'But don’t get paranoid about it.' I’m taking my temperature now Tony, and I haven’t even started the chemo yet!
Jokes aside, I realise Chemo is pretty scary and cancer is even scarier, but I’m still determined to make the most of every day, no matter how I feel. They'll be bad days, I know, but this will make the good days feel even more precious. In theory I can still run, ride my bike, work, drink alcohol, have sex, go on holiday, whatever - and these are all privileges that I won't be taking for granted. If some of them go away, so be it, I'll do exactly what I've been doing over the last few weeks - enjoying the company of others and accepting the kindness and good-humour that everyone has shown. If anything is going to get me through the chemo, it will be this. Catch you in a week!
Next week: Sperm depositing updates. Colonoscopies – the world's worst selfie. Best books to read with a drip in your arm.

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